I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
