Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
