The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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