you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
40s are totally the cure
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
