There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Don't tell me you're on acid again
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
