Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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