Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
