Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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