If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
