Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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