I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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