that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
