i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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