If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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