I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
how drunk are you?
Several
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
