I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize