He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize