OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
