Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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