there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He shit in the fireplace
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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