I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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