He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
