you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Someone shit on the floor
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
