Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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