and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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