If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
