Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize