this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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