someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
