So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
