woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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