Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
