dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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