I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
