my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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