I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
