his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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