He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize