Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
