so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
