when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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