My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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