Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
