I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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