dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
vagina is talking i cant
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
pray to the hookup gods
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
