So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
