It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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