On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
