have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
