Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
