Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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