things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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