There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
