I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
