We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize