I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
