We won't sleep together?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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