Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
