i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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