worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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