I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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