I think I am morally bankrupt
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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