If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
