are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
