I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm gonna fight the coyote
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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