i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
