guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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