Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
