Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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