I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
