Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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