WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
