is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize