You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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