how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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