Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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