Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
