Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
