i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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