Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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