So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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