I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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