This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
