So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
