Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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