I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
