The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
