come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
