I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
