I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize