someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
