You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
