We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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