When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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