she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
i now understand why vodka
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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