piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
