Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
