Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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