when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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